literally had 100 drinks last night.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
