Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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