Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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