Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
