My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
