Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
