Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found a bag of teeth...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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