let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
