this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
