her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
