you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
