As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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