i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize