Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
