He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
worst night to have a conscience
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
