nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
