did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
