the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
