Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize