someone get that fucking seahorse.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Watching her eat just hurts me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
