After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
