Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
