I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
