Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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