weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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