The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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