Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
