the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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