If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
