I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
