Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
