I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
