He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
