lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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