If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
