I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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