put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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