thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
