he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
