The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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