I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
