great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
