The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He did a backflip because drugs
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
