How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
