Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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