In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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