I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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