I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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