that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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