I got chris browned last night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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