census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
