Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
