I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize