we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
