dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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