I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What drink are we having for lunch?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
