never play flip cup with pint glasses
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just gift wrapped bread.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This baby is an asshole
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
