Duck Duck Cougar?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
