return my video game
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
