moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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