I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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