Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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