Do you still have your period?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
