is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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