Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
