ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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