Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
