Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
