she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
