cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
