I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
