i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize