YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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