I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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